Ms. Bev, My Dad, and trying my hand at poetry

Yesterday I went to visit my substitute grandmother Bev. She is turning 91 this summer. Ms. Bev is absolutely the most amazing and inspiring lady I have ever known. She is a true artist. For many decades Bev painted the most beautiful paintings of landscapes, animals, and cultural paintings. I’m honored to have her paintings hang in my house.

She loved to travel when she was younger and lived in Hollywood in her late teens / early twenties. While in California she met movie stars and sewed costumes for a film studios. Half her wardrobe is handmade and stunning. While out on an adventure, Bev met a drummer in a jazz band, George. The day George met Bev he said to a friend “That’s the gal I’m going to marry.” Three months later they got married with $15 dollars in the bank.

I didn’t know Bev till she was in her 60’s, we have a large age gap between us. I love spending time with her and hearing about her life. She’s been on many adventures. Yesterday, Bev was telling me how after she was no longer able to paint because of her arthritis that she tried her hand at poetry. She said “The Lord closed one door for me but opened another.” She shared some of her poetry with me that she wrote in the early 1980’s. It was simple, funny, and wonderful.

I’ve always wanted to be like Ms. Bev. I had red hair like her for most of my life. She finally let her hair go gray at age 88. I haven't mastered how to sew or paint but it’s on my to do list. I thought I would try my hand at poetry though.  

As some of you already know, my Dad passed away this term. It has left a huge hole in my life and heart and has been a real struggle to keep going with day to day activities. I was very close with my Dad and he will forever be apart of me and who I am. I wrote some poems about how I’ve been feeling relating to the loss of my father and I wanted to share them on my blog. In the future I hope I can write happier poems in his memory.

A Happy Place

A happy place remains in my head

I can go there for a short while

I see his face and it smiles at me

His hand seems but just out of reach

His voice echos with words of wisdom

It is comforting and painful all at once

This place in my head will be my safe space

My escape from the void of a harsh reality

 

    Absolute Stillness

I thrive surrounded by color

I bloom looking upon rainbows

My time to flourish has passed

The light has faded away

I’m alone in the dark

I wilt into the blackness

There’s a lack of color

A hole left in my heart

Strength

It’s very strange to try and be normal,

When the normal you knew is now gone.

Trying to move on and stay in the present is exhausting.

Everything is unfocused and hazy.

Trying to care seems pointless,

When what you cared most for is gone.

Yet, I keep moving

By some unknown strength I accomplish tasks

Goals are being completed.

Not just for me but for you,

My strength, my courage,

My Dad.

      Finding My Way Back to Color

I know I will find my way back to the color.

You taught me better than to stay in the dark.

Lessons from the past will remain in the present.

The future will be colored by your lingering words.

Time has halted.

No, time just feels halted

Time doesn’t stay in a bottle

And I can’t go through time with you

Even if you’re the one I want most to go through time with.

Childhood doesn't last for eternity

But your love will, as will mine.